They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but personally I think it should've been "absence makes the heart go crazy". I am speaking from personal experience of course. If I could count the number of times I have found myself in a position where distance was a main factor in my relationship changing, well, I'd be out of fingers. And I'm not just talking about relationships with a boyfriend, I'm talking friendships too. I like to think I am good at corresponding and keeping up to date with friends whom I may not see regularly or ever really.
Just to make my point, let me tell you a story. In May of 2005, I travelled to Cancun, Mexico for one of those weeks of fun you never talk about again, because it was so much fun it now seems embarassing. On this delightful vacation, I met a lot of people from all walks of life, but became quick friends with Jess, a college student from Michigan. We ended up spending the whole week partying, tanning, and getting to know each other, and by the end of our time in sunny Mexico we decided to keep in touch. Now I know a lot of people will say "Let's keep in touch", have every intention of doing so and then get back to their old routine and just forget about it. I know I've done it. But something about Jess made me take the extra time out and write those emails, find her on Facebook and genuinely work at our friendship. Fast forward 5 years and we have only spent 2 weeks together - one of those weeks being our intial meeting in Cancun, the other week being her spring break trip to visit me in Mexico City. But we still maintain our friendship via email, Facebook, skype and telephone. I consider her one of my closest friends and would go out of my way to see her, talk with her and be there for her if she needed me.
Sadly though, our friendship story isn't common. And for a lot of people, the distance between them and the ones they are close to is necessary, if not vital, to the survival of their relationships. I seem to deal with my long-distance friendships pretty well. I consider the distance to be a test of our friendship and how much we need/want one another in each others lives. I guess the same could be said about a relationship with a significant other. However, for whatever reason, relationships with friends are never on the same emotional level as a relationship with a significant other.
Again, another true story. Now it's 2008 and I had just found out I was accepted into an internship in Malaga, Spain and would be moving there in a couple months. But I had just started a relationship with a man who I was falling in love with. Not exactly the best scenario to be in. In a fairytale, he would've moved with me to Spain and we would still be happy and together. But as we all know, life isn't a fairytale. In reality, we tried to make the effort to keep in touch as much as possible, talk on Skype and msn and make it work. Hell, we even planned on him moving to Spain at some point, us meeting in Canada for Christmas and so on. But reality set in after months of long-distance and not seeing each other in person, and it took it's toll on our relationship. We still remain very close friends today, but I'll always wonder "what if I never left Mexico?". But these are the type of questions I can't dwell on. It's just too hard.
There are obviously other factors as to why our relationship ended, besides the distance. I, of course, put in mountains of effort and to this day believe the relationship could've worked had we both really wanted it. So obviously I concluded that he didn't believe I was worth the wait and since this wasn't the first time in my life I had felt this way (because of a male), it has always been one of my biggest insecurities; an insecurity I had never revealed to anyone I was involved with.
I bet you're telling yourself "Wow, that's heavy stuff...". Well don't worry. The story gets better. The stories always get better...right??
At the moment, March 2010, I again find myself facing the possibility of a distance relationship. However, this time, I have already revealed my deep dark insecurity way back in the beginning of our relationship and he understands it. So this time is different. Right? I think it is. It has to be. Why would we knowingly put ourself in a familair hurtful situation where we know the outcome will only cause us pain and heartache??
This time though, I truly believe my boyfriend will make as much of an effort on our relationship as I will. And I am not terrified to jump back on the distance train. Yes, the last time hurt. Yes, it could hurt again. But anything worth having is worth the pain it might take to get it. And I completely, 100% believe this. I always will. This is because optimism is what drives us, what keeps us alive, and full of dreams. Without optimism, the world would just be a dark, sad, and lonely place with no smiles, rainbows or laughter. And who would ever want to live like that??
-xoxo
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