This is one blog that I can't help but write, even though it's tragic in nature. We always see the photos of our fallen soldiers and read their stories, but I don't think the tragedy really hits home until it is someone you love. Yesterday, I lost a very close friend in Afghanistan, after he stepped on a landmine while securing an area for the local population. This sad news came after his deployment less than a week ago from Edmonton, AB.
Steve Marshall was a funny, charismatic and amazing man. His smile never failed to make people laugh, and his humor always lightened any mood or situation. He was one of those brave guys who thought the Canadian Army was his calling, and he was right. He was the happiest I 'd ever seen him when he was talking about his job and his life in the Army. Steve did his country an amazing service and deserves all the honor and celebration that comes with that, but for him, Mr.Humble, he was just like any other man who was completely happy in his life and career. The army helped Steve become the amazing man I always knew he was.
Steve has meant more to me than words can express. Not only had he been a boyfriend but he was a best friend. A person I could text in the middle of the night about anything and everything. There was no limit to what we would talk about. I have no siblings, but have always felt that Steve and I were like that. But it was also more than that. I love Steve more than I ever thought I could love someone. I cry for him and feel my heart breaking, and it helps me realize the enormous effect he had on who I am today. The tears and emotions we are all feeling only prove how many lives he touched; his Facebook page is a direct example of this. A close friend of mine told me, "the safest place he can be is in our hearts" and I think that statement says it all. I never let go of those people I care about most. They will always be apart of me. I will keep his memory and love with me always.
Steve Marshall will always been in our memories and that will keep him alive in our hearts.
Always remember.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Between a rock and a hard place...
Yup, that's right. I'm stuck in the proverbial space between a rock and a hard place. How did I get here? Well...uh...I have no idea. I just woke up one day and realized it. This isn't something you like to just realize one day. Not the best feeling in the world. But I like to think that everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives...
Here I am with two serving jobs, which is more than most people have right now, and I'm not happy. I mean ya I have money, and ya I have a job to go to everyday, but am I happy? Am I excited to go to work? No. Not even a little bit. Isn't that sad? How could I possibly rather sit at home and write all day instead of being at work making money (which of course I need to pay rent and bills and so on...). I think it's because I'm not satisfied with being a server. It's not enough for me. I want more. I want a job that I can go to everyday, be excited about, and love to talk about. When I talk about serving, it's generally not in a positive way; it's more a rant of frustration than actual storytelling.
I'm just done. Done with serving. Done with patience. Done with pretending to like something I don't.
But what can I do? I send out resumes, I apply to everything and anything that remotely interests me or relates to my education. I get some responses back, but so far nothing has panned out. I am hoping this most recent response - a volunteer position as a copy-editor/writer for an up and coming Calgary magazine - leads to something fantastic. I am SO excited about it, because even though I would be starting in a volunteer position, it could lead to a paid position in a couple months. I mean I am so excited to get the job because I could write. Full-time. As a job...I mean c'mon!! That's me!! That's who I am! Writing just flows through me. How can I not being doing it for my career??
I have these frustrating thoughts everyday and sometimes it's all I can do to smile and have the faith and patience to believe that I will, one day soon, find a job, or career, that makes me smile at the end of the day. A job that I am proud and excited to talk about. One day...right?
Until then though, I am going to do the best I can at being happy in the present - between a rock and a hard place.
-xoxo
Here I am with two serving jobs, which is more than most people have right now, and I'm not happy. I mean ya I have money, and ya I have a job to go to everyday, but am I happy? Am I excited to go to work? No. Not even a little bit. Isn't that sad? How could I possibly rather sit at home and write all day instead of being at work making money (which of course I need to pay rent and bills and so on...). I think it's because I'm not satisfied with being a server. It's not enough for me. I want more. I want a job that I can go to everyday, be excited about, and love to talk about. When I talk about serving, it's generally not in a positive way; it's more a rant of frustration than actual storytelling.
I'm just done. Done with serving. Done with patience. Done with pretending to like something I don't.
But what can I do? I send out resumes, I apply to everything and anything that remotely interests me or relates to my education. I get some responses back, but so far nothing has panned out. I am hoping this most recent response - a volunteer position as a copy-editor/writer for an up and coming Calgary magazine - leads to something fantastic. I am SO excited about it, because even though I would be starting in a volunteer position, it could lead to a paid position in a couple months. I mean I am so excited to get the job because I could write. Full-time. As a job...I mean c'mon!! That's me!! That's who I am! Writing just flows through me. How can I not being doing it for my career??
I have these frustrating thoughts everyday and sometimes it's all I can do to smile and have the faith and patience to believe that I will, one day soon, find a job, or career, that makes me smile at the end of the day. A job that I am proud and excited to talk about. One day...right?
Until then though, I am going to do the best I can at being happy in the present - between a rock and a hard place.
-xoxo
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Leave me alone, I'm happy..?
Ever feel like you need a map to figure out what to do next? I mean, if you think about it there are certain steps we are "expected" to take throughout our life, that most people consider to be key to a "successful" life: complete high school, get a post-secondary education, start a career, get married, buy a house, have kids, etc. Of course, these "steps" don't generally happen in this exact order (or at all for some people), although I definitely know some people who have followed 'road map of life' step-by-step. So what about the rest of us, whose lives aren't quite following this map, so to speak? Are we just considered unsuccessful rejects?
I say no. Definitely no. Because if the answer to that question is yes, than I am one of those unsuccessful rejects. Well, to some people anyway. ;-) I think we are all in control of our own happiness and no one else can define our successes in life. Let me explain.
As a server, who has a Masters degree and international experience in her field, I find it beyond frustrating when I get the inevitable question: "Why are you serving if you are so educated?" Really?! Hmm, how can I answer you politely? I mean I have a multitude of answers I could say: "Well gee, I just like serving people THAT much..." or "Well I'm lazy and haven't bothered to apply for a job in my field" (please note the sarcasm in both responses)!! Of course I don't use either of these options. I am more polite than that. I just simply say what everyone says "I'm looking and applying but so far haven't been too successful".
The other question that frustrates me, even more when it is asked by my 10yr old cousin, is: "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Now I know some people ask this in a "I'm shocked and curious" way, but sometimes it comes off as almost judgemental. Like at my age I should have a boyfriend, if not be in a relationship. I have had these thoughts myself, and as I stated in a previous post, want this. However, I am a firm believer that timing is everything in life.
Maybe I'm not in the right place in my life to have a relationship and be thinking about marriage and kids and buying a house...It is hard sometimes when the majority of my close friends are in long term relationships, thinking about marriage or already on the road there. And of course I am jealous of them. But I can't imagine dealing with finding a job in my field and managing a relationship at the same time. And apparently I feel that finding a job is more important right now...
But is it? Should I be working just as hard to find someone to spend my life with as I am with finding a job I want to do for the rest of my life? I mean technically I have been working towards a career since I was 5, which seems pretty sad. But what if it takes that long to find a life partner too? OH. MY. GOD! Haha, no I don't seriously believe that finding a career and finding your "soulmate", so to speak, are even remotely related. I believe, again, it has to do with timing.
But back to the topic. Is it fair I should feel pressure to find both of those things? Do they really determine the "success" of my life? Absolutley not. Not in my world. I believe the "success" of someone's life is completely up to that individual. If they are happy and satisfied with how their life has been or is going, than that is all that matters...and who are we to judge them, right? Who am I to say that someone isn't doing well, or has lost their course especially if that person is happy? I have no right. However, in saying that, I guess it is fair for someone to ask me "why are you serving with your educational background?", when they know I'm not happy doing what I'm doing. I guess it just gets a little tiring constantly hearing the confusion from other people that I feel everyday.
One day I'll be "back on track". Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just do different jobs here and there until I find something I love. And maybe I'll never get married, have kids, or buy a house. Maybe I'll rent and travel and never be in the same place for more than 6 months. Who knows, that might make me feel happiest. And you know what? That's my choice. And thank god we have have control over our own happiness...and we should never forget that.
-xoxo
I say no. Definitely no. Because if the answer to that question is yes, than I am one of those unsuccessful rejects. Well, to some people anyway. ;-) I think we are all in control of our own happiness and no one else can define our successes in life. Let me explain.
As a server, who has a Masters degree and international experience in her field, I find it beyond frustrating when I get the inevitable question: "Why are you serving if you are so educated?" Really?! Hmm, how can I answer you politely? I mean I have a multitude of answers I could say: "Well gee, I just like serving people THAT much..." or "Well I'm lazy and haven't bothered to apply for a job in my field" (please note the sarcasm in both responses)!! Of course I don't use either of these options. I am more polite than that. I just simply say what everyone says "I'm looking and applying but so far haven't been too successful".
The other question that frustrates me, even more when it is asked by my 10yr old cousin, is: "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Now I know some people ask this in a "I'm shocked and curious" way, but sometimes it comes off as almost judgemental. Like at my age I should have a boyfriend, if not be in a relationship. I have had these thoughts myself, and as I stated in a previous post, want this. However, I am a firm believer that timing is everything in life.
Maybe I'm not in the right place in my life to have a relationship and be thinking about marriage and kids and buying a house...It is hard sometimes when the majority of my close friends are in long term relationships, thinking about marriage or already on the road there. And of course I am jealous of them. But I can't imagine dealing with finding a job in my field and managing a relationship at the same time. And apparently I feel that finding a job is more important right now...
But is it? Should I be working just as hard to find someone to spend my life with as I am with finding a job I want to do for the rest of my life? I mean technically I have been working towards a career since I was 5, which seems pretty sad. But what if it takes that long to find a life partner too? OH. MY. GOD! Haha, no I don't seriously believe that finding a career and finding your "soulmate", so to speak, are even remotely related. I believe, again, it has to do with timing.
But back to the topic. Is it fair I should feel pressure to find both of those things? Do they really determine the "success" of my life? Absolutley not. Not in my world. I believe the "success" of someone's life is completely up to that individual. If they are happy and satisfied with how their life has been or is going, than that is all that matters...and who are we to judge them, right? Who am I to say that someone isn't doing well, or has lost their course especially if that person is happy? I have no right. However, in saying that, I guess it is fair for someone to ask me "why are you serving with your educational background?", when they know I'm not happy doing what I'm doing. I guess it just gets a little tiring constantly hearing the confusion from other people that I feel everyday.
One day I'll be "back on track". Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just do different jobs here and there until I find something I love. And maybe I'll never get married, have kids, or buy a house. Maybe I'll rent and travel and never be in the same place for more than 6 months. Who knows, that might make me feel happiest. And you know what? That's my choice. And thank god we have have control over our own happiness...and we should never forget that.
-xoxo
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