Between a rock and a hard place...

Yup, that's right. I'm stuck in the proverbial space between a rock and a hard place. How did I get here? Well...uh...I have no idea. I just woke up one day and realized it. This isn't something you like to just realize one day. Not the best feeling in the world. But I like to think that everyone has felt this way at some point in their lives...

Here I am with two serving jobs, which is more than most people have right now, and I'm not happy. I mean ya I have money, and ya I have a job to go to everyday, but am I happy? Am I excited to go to work? No. Not even a little bit. Isn't that sad? How could I possibly rather sit at home and write all day instead of being at work making money (which of course I need to pay rent and bills and so on...). I think it's because I'm not satisfied with being a server. It's not enough for me. I want more. I want a job that I can go to everyday, be excited about, and love to talk about. When I talk about serving, it's generally not in a positive way; it's more a rant of frustration than actual storytelling.

I'm just done. Done with serving. Done with patience. Done with pretending to like something I don't.

But what can I do? I send out resumes, I apply to everything and anything that remotely interests me or relates to my education. I get some responses back, but so far nothing has panned out. I am hoping this most recent response - a volunteer position as a copy-editor/writer for an up and coming Calgary magazine - leads to something fantastic. I am SO excited about it, because even though I would be starting in a volunteer position, it could lead to a paid position in a couple months. I mean I am so excited to get the job because I could write. Full-time. As a job...I mean c'mon!! That's me!! That's who I am! Writing just flows through me. How can I not being doing it for my career??

I have these frustrating thoughts everyday and sometimes it's all I can do to smile and have the faith and patience to believe that I will, one day soon, find a job, or career, that makes me smile at the end of the day. A job that I am proud and excited to talk about. One day...right?

Until then though, I am going to do the best I can at being happy in the present - between a rock and a hard place.

-xoxo