With just one touch, just one look...

"Your touch is so magic to me, the strangest things can happen"

Have you ever met someone that changed your life in ways you could've only imagined? Someone who you've connected with immediately and felt like you've known them your whole life? Someone who's touch and kiss just melts your heart and feels like it's a perfect fit?

I can't get this person out of my head...or my heart. They have always been the person I compare every future boyfriend against. Which I know isn't really fair to those guys, but I can't deny myself the happiness and completeness I felt with this person. And why should I? I should want to have that feeling of complete and utter happiness again. I know I deserve it. But is it smart for to pine over something that happened years ago, and might not be the same anymore? Should I wait for him? Is he waiting for me?

When I say "I'm waiting for him" I don't mean I am not dating other people. I am. But, there is always something missing. And I've always wondered if it's me just wanting it to be something else, or that certain someone else.

I always want more. More passion. More attention. More time together. More touching. I think I miss the spark, the electricty I felt with just one guy. I miss the butterflies I had in my stomach when I would see his name on my caller ID or heard his voice. His smile could make me melt, and I would get shivers whenever he touched me...even in a small way like touching the small of my back. It's the little things that you can only experience and miss with someone you truly connected with. And even though we were together a short time, he had a huge impact on my life and who I've become.

With him, I experienced a true passion for life, and I was happier than I ever imagined I could be. I truly believe that I could live anywhere in the world with him and be happy. And really, I guess you could classify our meeting as "love at first sight". I know, it sounds sappy, romantic and impossible.

Ok be cynical and think I'm holding onto something that maybe I've built up in my head to be better than it really was . Go ahead, I've done it. But, if it wasn't love at first sight, and we didn't really have that deep of a connection, and this is all in my head as a happy memory, then why do I miss him all the time?? Why do certain places, activities and songs remind me of him? Why do I still dream about our time together and feel the happiness we had together?? And why do I wake up from those dreams feeling like something is missing in my life??

I have had those thoughts and feelings ever since him and I parted. And I always wondered what would've been had our time together not ended so quickly?? The "what if" will consume me if I allow it, I know. But, I know me. I know I can't let go of people I care about until I have come to terms with how our relationship ended. And after 2 years, I know that I had to leave, for me, for my future, but now I wonder what would've been had I not left? And I will always wonder until we get the chance to be together again.

Maybe I am destined to only love one man my whole life but never been with him. Maybe the memories I have of our time together is what keeps me believing in love and the possibility of feeling that happiness again. And maybe he is only meant to remain in my life as a great friend who will always be there for me. Maybe. I, however, choose to have hope that I will one day see him and have all my questions answered. And I know he wants a second chance too.

I believe we deserve it. I believe our love for one another deserves another chance. And maybe it'll work out and we'll live happily ever after, and maybe it won't. That's life. I am only asking for a second chance to feel his touch, and have butterflies in my stomach when I see him again. I deserve to know if the years apart will have helped us become closer.

I know I will one day get this chance. I will finally have answers. And I will one day feel the love and happiness I so desperately crave and look for. One day. We must always have that hope. Passion is in all of us, and we all deserve to feel it...even if it's just in one simple touch.

- xoxo

Passion.

I am feeling so many things right now; so much emotion towards everything. Not that this is that unusual for me, but I feel like I've been missing something these last couple months:

Passion.

It's my life.
It's what drives me.
It's the emotion I want to feel everyday in everything I do.
It's what I want from love.

I can not imagine a world, a life, a romance, that doesn't involve passion.

Passion encompasses me. It's in everything I do. In my writing, my stories, my experiences, my relationships and it's the reason I travel.

I feel like I've been in a fog the last couple months. To be honest, I can't really remember anything SUPER exciting and life changing that has happened to me this summer. And I don't mean this in a negative way. I mean it in an honest and real way. I am finally being honest with myself and facing that image in the mirror of someone who isn't truly happy with her life right now. Again, I don't mean this in a negative depressing way. It's life. And it happens to all of us at some point or another.

I need to find my passion. I have the word on the wall above my bed and I need to get back in the habit of experiencing passion everyday. Not just on special events, or get togethers or any of that. But I need to remember what it's like to wake up and feel excited about the day, even if it's a day of nothing. I need to rediscover myself and how I love walking at night. How laying in a park, listening to music calms and centers me. How running takes all my stress and worries away. And how writing is who I am. And no matter what I'm going through, or how busy I get (or lazy), I need to keep writing.

Words are my passion. How they flow together to create a story and how beauty, honesty, and emotion can be seen and felt through them. And how only a couple grouped together can mean so much. I use words everyday, we all do. But the difference is, my words are my personality, my humor, my beauty and my soul. They are who I am. Everything I am is in my stories and my writing. And I feel like I've lost that the last couple months.

I have so many thoughts and emotions I want to share with the world. And I am just waiting until I get the chance to do that. Until then, I have this blog. And it's my outlet for whatever crazy, honest and real opinions and feelings I have.

Words are my passion and writing is who I am. I need to never forget this. Because if I lose myself, then I've lost my passion. And that would be a real tragedy.

- xoxo