Fairytales.

The classic question has come up again in my life: He loves me? He loves me not? C'mon, we all remember that scene from The Little Mermaid where Ariel picks flower petals asking whether or not Eric loves her...

I find I get attached to certain people pretty quick. I guess it's b/c I feel something electric, something unusual but good. A feeling I want to hold on to and never let go. A feeling that just makes all the crap in life disappear.

We've all had those feelings with a man. Some of us are even lucky enough to have that man in our life still.

I, however, have had no such luck in this area. It seems that every time I get comfortable enough with a man to really be myself, with no walls or secrets, somehow this man gets away. Who's fault is it, I don't know. I might never know. I'm told that's the fun of dating...HA!!

I have always believed when I meet the man I am going to share my life with, I will just know. But, that belief has been wavering recently. I find that the people who have known me a long time, really understand me and why I am the way I am, and these are the people I will always have in my life. Which is why, I have gotten it in my head, again, that I want to be with a certain man. A man who I have always had chemistry with, a man I am extremely attracted to, and a man who is almost my complete opposite.

Regardless of that, he makes me feel safe, comfortable and I know I can be myself without any judgement. Ok, maybe he judges me, but he also knows that I will never change and he's ok with it. I have known him for about 13 years so I'm not surprised he knows me this well.

We have had obstacles before and there will be more I'm sure. All I want to know right now is: does he want to hold on to the chemistry and attraction we share for one another? Does he want to keep the laughter, the sarcasm, and the natural comfort we have together? And is he willing to take a leap of faith and give us a chance?

That's not too much to ask right?! I know, I've said that before. :-) But, until these questions are answered, until I know one way or the other if he wants to be with me, I will never stop asking or wondering.

Or maybe it's all in my head, and what we shared those few nights was random and never going to progress beyond that. Maybe I should just treasure those memories and his friendship.

But, now that I think of it, we're not really friends. We're...in limbo. We're not together, and we're not friends. We're just two people trying to figure ourselves out and whenever we get together, amazing things happen. Why are we fighting it??

I'm choosing to stay optimistic. I believe we will figure ourselves out, one way or the other. And I will be happy just to know the answer to my 13-year question. I am secretly hoping for the fairytale ending of course...but don't we all?

- xoxo