Revelations.

I always find it interesting to discover that when I get what I think I want, I find I don't really want it anymore. Is this normal? Or am I just seriously challenged?

Let me explain.

I have always been searching for something more with a guy - the passion, comfort and intimacy you can only find once in a blue moon.

I have been back on POF for a couple months now, and have been chatting with a number of guys. A few of them I was talking to simply to talk to - I never had any intention of actually meeting them and taking "our relationship" further. This is mean, I know. But I wanted the attention. Again, mean, sad and very pathetic.

Now I find myself in a place of limbo where I am excited to hear from a guy and want to talk to them more and more, but the idea of actually taking it to the one on one dating level - not so appealing. Or maybe just not with that guy...

As much as we all say looks aren't everything, they are important. This I know from personal experience. If you there isn't any sexual attraction then the relationship won't be what I want.

I'm not talking about having sex all the time right away - not that I'm against that - but I need to want them. And vice versa. I have met some very awesome guys, with great personality and we have the best conversations, but there's zip going on anywhere. And no offense to them, but I'm not looking for another guy friend - I have enough.

I want more. I need more. I deserve more.

I want someone who I click with on every level. And I think this is possible - mainly b/c I've had it before, and I refuse to believe it can't happen more than once.

I'm older, wiser and definitely more in tune with what I am looking for a partner in my life: someone who is my best friend, lover and rock all at once.

It is possible I know. But should I alter my expectations to get what I want? Personally, attraction is huge, and absolutely, you need to have a desirable personality - believe me there are those beautiful men out there with such ugly personalities I won't go near them.

Just a happy medium is all I'm asking. Maybe it's too much.

Or maybe I shouldn't settle for what I can get. Maybe I need to be patient, stick it out, believe in myself and just let it happen. Everyone is always telling me to live in the present.

Now seems as good a time to start right?

- xoxo