Restless.

"The grass is always greener on the other side".

This couldn't seem more true these days.

I hear from lots of my friends that they wish they could just take a day and sleep in on a week day, hang out at home and just do nothing. Well, let me just say...a day is a lot different than 3 weeks. After 3 weeks of 'nothing' you start to get...restless.

I can handle many things: being lonely, money issues, relationship problems, etc...but I can not, I repeat, CAN NOT handle not having something going on. Even if it is just some chore or task I have been meaning to do for months.

I am one of those people that have a day timer with things to do/buy/pick up etc. But, I also have 2 or 3 other lists going as well with things like 'get an oil change', 'work on scrapbook', 'donate old clothes', 'clean closet' and so on. I'm pretty sure I will have a list for my lists when I get older...

Being restless can be liberating though. It is motivating and inspiring to be able to get up on a Monday, make a tea and just sit and enjoy the morning. Sitting in my big comfy chair with a blanket on my lap, sipping my earl grey tea, while enjoying the morning sun is very calming. It has a way of helping my organize my day without the hurry of needing to be somewhere at a certain time. I find that if I don't turn the TV on in the morning - and there isn't usually much on anyways - I feel better about my day as a whole. I will write a blog, go for a walk, listen to music, get inspired to create a Flickr account, or just be still.

Ironic how feeling restless can cause one to enjoy being still. But, it happens.

Taking the time in the morning to organize my thoughts also causes me to reflect on my situation. Do I miss my job? Am I wishing that I had a place to get up and go to in the morning? Yes and no. These answers fluctuate daily...hourly sometimes. I don't miss my job specifically. I miss having something that was bringing in money to support my lifestyle - which isn't very extravagant anyways. I miss having somewhere to go in the mornings. I don't miss the dread of another day in an office doing something I didn't really like.

So, while my friends wish they could sleep in, relax and just take a day to do nothing, they need to remember that that desire is also referred to as a 'sick day'. Being unemployed is certainly nothing to wish for, and it is never something someone wants. I do understand the sentiment behind those comments though; it is a nice way to momentarily cheer someone up.

I guess it is safe to say that I am using this 'restless' time to reassess where I want to be, and I want to do. This of course, is a positive thing. The downside though, is that this situation seems to be as fresh today as it was 3 1/2 years ago when I graduated with my Masters. Having an education isn't always a guarantee to the future you want and know you deserve.

Hard work, self-motivation and lots of perseverance seem to be the common theme in my quest to find that niche that I fit in with; I have definitely ruled out office work - no real change or diversion from routine there.

I know what I want and I know where I want to be. The problem is getting there from here.

I have never been one to follow the norm, instead choosing the path less traveled. Of course, this means that more often than not I find myself standing at the bottom of a mountain, wondering how I got there, and trying to figure out to climb over it to the greener pastures on the other side.

What I learned though, is the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The trick is take whatever obstacles are in front of you, and use them as the way to the top of that mountain. That way, when you reach the luscious green space at the top, you will have truly earned the rewards. And hopefully, you will never find yourself at the bottom of a mountain again.

But hey, if you do, at least you can say you know how to kick it's ass right? :-)

- xoxo